Harwood's Guides: Warhammer 40,000

A gentle shove in the right direction.

The Dark Eldar

The Dark Eldar are a brutal, sadistic race of near-immortal fallen Eldar that work only for the suffering of others. They epitomize pure evil in the universe, and feed from the torment of others to prolong their own dark, twisted souls' existence.

A little bit of history...

The Dark Eldar originally came from the Eldar, a bunch of super-duper advanced dudes. They had mad science, and could basically do whatever they wanted. If you read the Hitchiker's Guide, you remember the place that made planets? Yeah, that kind of science. Oh, and did I mention that they're basically immortal? Well, they are. Pretty cool, right?

So anyway, these guys got pretty bored once they realized they never needed to do any work, so the richest, coolest guys went and sauntered into the webway (a super-advanced teleport thing that was basically an entire plane to itself...seriously, these guys were pretty cool) to NOT AT ALL do things like start cults. I mean, come on, these guys live forever and you expect them to be content doing sudoku? Not likely.

The rich guys doing their shady business started off okay, but it quickly turned bad. They were doing some seriously kinky stuff back there, and it wasn't nice kinky. They were doing things like augmenting themselves, torturing dudes, getting really, really good with knives, making modern art with their friend's intestines. This apparently was the hot thing to do, because their corruption spread pretty fast throughout Eldar society. One group of guys saw this coming (oh right, these guys are really, really psychic too. Guess I forgot to mention that.) and got the heck out of there. They brought with them the Craftworld Eldar, the guys that made the planets, and got the hell out of there. Not like anyone cared, they were too busy finding out how much blood was in the guy next to them.

Remember how I briefly mentioned that these guys were psychic? Well, the way psychic...ness works in the Warhammer universe is that all the power psykers (as they're called) use are from the Warp, home of the Demons and madness (which is kind of it's own place too). Because of this, it's dangerous to use psychic powers because there is briefly a link between the Warp and that psyker's mind. Since all Eldar are really, really psychic, everything they do kind of affects the Warp, and what goes on back there. With all the pursuit of pleasure and dark excess going on, their schadenfreude (look it up, awesome word) started feeding a dark force in the Warp. THIS ISN'T FORESHADOWING.

At any rate, it was getting pretty bad on the Eldar homeworlds. You know the whole 'vision of the apocalypse' type thing, streets running with blood, palaces turning into smackdown arenas, etc.- all this in the name of pleasure. A pretty sick pleasure. All this kept happening- not for long-and feeding that dark force in the warp, until it accidentally the whole Eldar.

Boom! All that murder and more murder actually managed to create an entire god of Chaos. Honestly, that's pretty awesome, and I'm pretty sure the Dark Eldar deserve an achievement for that, it's really impressive. The god they made is really the weirdest out of the four, named Slaanesh, the Dark prince of Excess. He's the fourth horseman that's kind of strange, and almost doesn't make sense, but is ridiculously badass nonetheless. Anyways, the birth of a chaos GOD isn't pretty. He kind of exploded a bit, and the warp spilled right into realspace over the Eldar homeworlds, and just sucked them right out of existence. Any other Eldar that didn't get killed from that got psychic-nuked from Slaanesh's baby screams. This is something the Eldar don't really like to talk about, so don't bring it up.

Meanwhile, what would be the Dark Eldar couldn't be bothered to care. They were all set up in their webway, so they just kept the murder-ball rolling. However, Slaanesh wasn't about to be shorted by these douches, and started slurping at their souls. Fortunately, the Dark Eldar found a way to keep from becoming dust! You ready for their brilliant solution?
Murder more folks. Basically, they found out that if they made other people suffer, they would become more powerful, so that Slaanesh slurping at their souls wouldn't kill them. It's really pretty sick, the Dark Eldar are a really, really twisted and sadistic race.

So there it is. Because of all this, the Dark Eldar have become the best at the worst. They are champion torturers, experts at kicking ass, preferably with really sharp knives or poison that makes you just explode. The more depraved the act, the more power it gives them. They really are killing just to kill more.

In reality...

The Dark Eldar have a lot of cool toys to cover up the fact that all of their units (save precious few) all have a toughness value of 3. For those of you who don't play, that is absolute garbage, pretty much the lowest toughness you'll find. Because of this, despite all of their cool things, regular old bolters will take them down with no problem. In addition, their vehicles are usually made of paper, and are usually blown up pretty quickly. For the record, they can be played well, but it takes a lot of knowledge, skill, and even more luck.